I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
