grandma shit on top of the toilet
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
