He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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