I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
