i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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