i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
