Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
