It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
