Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
