if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Randomize
