ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Randomize
