I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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