his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
