Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
