Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
