Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
