I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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