Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'm always down for nudity.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
