I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
either way he was missing a nipple.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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