I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
