it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
