Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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