did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
