I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize