i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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