remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
