Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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