Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
