y did u give ur computer a hand job?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Text me some of your sweat
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
