I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
