I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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