hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
