Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
