her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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