The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
