"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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