He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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