On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
