So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
