Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
