Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
