If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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