I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
