Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
