Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
