walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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