never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
