Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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