I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
