You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I love having hate sex.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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