You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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