he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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