Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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