Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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