I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
