Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
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