PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
