1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We were destined to go to rehab together
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Ladies don't puke and tell
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
