I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize