I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
