Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It's blow job season.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
