oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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