Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
