When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
