I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize