I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
