Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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