i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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