So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
