I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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