i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
