After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I pour the whiskey from now on
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
