bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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