You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
