All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
