If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
