Umm I'm too high to move.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
