she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
