I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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