I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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