My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
