so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
