I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
