You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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