My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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