you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
