Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I need moral support for this bender
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
