she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
