I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
