I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
