What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
