you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
