Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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