Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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