i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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