Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
