I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
