I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
