I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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