I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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